I'm coming up on 38. Not all that old by most standards. At this point in my life I can't say things are bad. They aren't what I'd hope them to be, but I have enough to do more than just survive. Last year around my birthday I spent a lot of time contemplating my life. I really questioned whether I'd been doing it right. I chose a life that wasn't normal, and in doing so I have no real guides to judge by. I don't have kids and never will. I don't have a "normal" career where I move up some ladder to eventual retirement. I lack all those signposts of life most people seem to have.
This year I've thought what being in my 30's has meant. Not too long ago people started saying the 40 is the new 30, or 50 is the new 40. I don't know whether this is just a pithy saying or a genuine reflection of improving medicine and technology helping us live longer. But I wonder if I can extend that thought. Have my experiences in my 30's been more like what someone used to go through in their 20's? Where once one would have graduated college, gotten married, and started a family by 30, those things took me much longer. College took me 5 years. I lived with my parents until I was 26. I didn't get married until I was 28. I didn't start a good job until I was 24, I didn't start something you could call a career until I was 30. My marriage ended when I was almost 33. Looking back, there were a lot of things I postponed for myself during that time. Now at 38 I feel like I'm doing things I should have done 10 years ago. But would it have been possible then? Probably not. Is this just me, or do many people have this experience?
I've been reading the Stoics. It's a philosophy that suits me well. I think my introversion is a natural fit to being a Stoic. Stoicism is misunderstood. The most important aspect is the idea of training yourself to experience joy in what you have, and to not worry about what you don't have. Stoicism has a lot in common with Zen Buddhism, but with more emphasis on civic involvement than on isolated contemplation. While this philosophy makes a lot of sense to me, it's always a battle to implement.
Setting aside the details, the general thing/wish/want I have at this point in my life is growth. Mostly of the educational sort. Unfortunately a master's degree or beyond is out of my financial reach, as is any kind of formal training. I have been teaching myself some new skills, including some advanced guitar repair. But, trading time on these activities against paying work isn't always easy. Is this something that should have happened in my 20's? Maybe at a time I could have stayed up until 2am everyday and not felt horrible the next day? I must be missing some of that "30 is the new 20" health technology.
I am where I am because of choices I have made. Some choices were wrong, some were right. Some were right at the time but turned out bad in the long run. I can't change any of that. I can only continue to make choices in this moment. That's another tenet of Stoicism. The past cannot be changed. The future is unknown. And right now, there are things I can control, and things I cannot. I need to focus down only on the things I can control right in this present moment. Again, never easy. But no one ever said life was easy.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
4.11.2014
2.05.2014
Stop working so hard
Here's how I look at it. Yes, I've got bills to pay and I have to eat. But every day I remind myself that what I choose to do today is paid for with hours of my life. And I have no idea how many of those are in the bank. Stress kills, and that surely puts an end to my use of those hours. Beyond not starving or freezing to death, why spend any time at all doing something you don't really want to do?
http://business.time.com/2014/02/03/10-reasons-to-stop-working-so-hard/?hpt=hp_t3
http://business.time.com/2014/02/03/10-reasons-to-stop-working-so-hard/?hpt=hp_t3
1.21.2014
Book review - Quiet
Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking.
I think everyone should read this book. Introverts, ambiverts, and extroverts alike. The United Stated is a very extroverted place and extroversion is rewarded. Extroversion can be found everywhere, from Tony Robbins life coaching, to the shape of our political system, your office workplace, right down to the halls of your high school. The section on the Harvard Business School alone is an incredible insight. Sorry my extrovert friends, but you crashed the economy. High extroversion often leads to risk taking. Not necessarily bad, but in the case of gambling with other people's money and homes, yes it is.
I've known for a very long time that I am an introvert. I've always thought that it was just the way I was and I had to live with it. I've gone through my life just accepting that some things were not for me because I don't have the right personality. Author Susan Cain spends a fair amount of time sorting through the characteristics of introversion and gives a wealth of suggestions on how these traits can be turned into strengths, or at least managed. I have always liked sinking my teeth into a solitary project, the hours flying by without any notice at all. Cain has given me pause to think about how I am or am not using that in my daily life. I'd be well suited to try to find jobs and hobbies that play to the strength.
Although I've long known I was an introvert, I never really thought about how the rest of the world treated me because of that. Some people think introversion is a mental illness, or that we're anti-social. Beyond that, the whole path of success in America is slanted to extroversion. Not only am I not a natural schmoozer, it takes an enormous amount of mental energy to make myself do it when I have to. I'd much rather be the mad scientist tinkering in my lab, but the world has no place for tinkers. Cain goes to great lengths to try to bridge the extro-intro worlds, but there is definitely a part of me that wants to get in the extro world's face and yell "this is how I am, don't dismiss me!" Still working on the diplomacy thing.
The author also brings up the concept of being and HSP: Highly Sensitive Person. I've never heard this term before, but I clearly am one. 70% of introverts are HSPs. If you're sensitive to loud sounds, bright lights, strong smells, and get more emotional than most over, say, a sad movie, you are probably an HSP. Knowing this now also gives me more insight to how I react to the world around me.
This book also has informative sections on being the parent of an introvert, teaching introverts, and on learning to adopt some extrovert skills. If there's an introvert in your life, listen a little more. Be a little more patient. Still waters run deep.
I think everyone should read this book. Introverts, ambiverts, and extroverts alike. The United Stated is a very extroverted place and extroversion is rewarded. Extroversion can be found everywhere, from Tony Robbins life coaching, to the shape of our political system, your office workplace, right down to the halls of your high school. The section on the Harvard Business School alone is an incredible insight. Sorry my extrovert friends, but you crashed the economy. High extroversion often leads to risk taking. Not necessarily bad, but in the case of gambling with other people's money and homes, yes it is.
I've known for a very long time that I am an introvert. I've always thought that it was just the way I was and I had to live with it. I've gone through my life just accepting that some things were not for me because I don't have the right personality. Author Susan Cain spends a fair amount of time sorting through the characteristics of introversion and gives a wealth of suggestions on how these traits can be turned into strengths, or at least managed. I have always liked sinking my teeth into a solitary project, the hours flying by without any notice at all. Cain has given me pause to think about how I am or am not using that in my daily life. I'd be well suited to try to find jobs and hobbies that play to the strength.
Although I've long known I was an introvert, I never really thought about how the rest of the world treated me because of that. Some people think introversion is a mental illness, or that we're anti-social. Beyond that, the whole path of success in America is slanted to extroversion. Not only am I not a natural schmoozer, it takes an enormous amount of mental energy to make myself do it when I have to. I'd much rather be the mad scientist tinkering in my lab, but the world has no place for tinkers. Cain goes to great lengths to try to bridge the extro-intro worlds, but there is definitely a part of me that wants to get in the extro world's face and yell "this is how I am, don't dismiss me!" Still working on the diplomacy thing.
The author also brings up the concept of being and HSP: Highly Sensitive Person. I've never heard this term before, but I clearly am one. 70% of introverts are HSPs. If you're sensitive to loud sounds, bright lights, strong smells, and get more emotional than most over, say, a sad movie, you are probably an HSP. Knowing this now also gives me more insight to how I react to the world around me.
This book also has informative sections on being the parent of an introvert, teaching introverts, and on learning to adopt some extrovert skills. If there's an introvert in your life, listen a little more. Be a little more patient. Still waters run deep.
8.31.2011
Sorry Mom and Dad, your generation failed
Images from dshort.com
Just let that image soak in for a minute. I'm part of the orange line there. What this image means is that people like me have seen no real increase in income in the past fifty years. In fact, the only people who have see a real increase were those who were already rich. The richest 20% of Americans are the only ones who've done better over that last three generations.
Here's another view:
Here's a fun chart. Grab the sliders and see how incomes have changed over time. From 1917 to 2008, 51% of the income gains in the US went to the richest 10%. That's like most of us growing up thinking pizza only comes in halves.
Here's one that will blow your noggin:
I'm not specifically blaming my parents for this, or my part of it. I am laying blame, or at least a fair share of it, at the feet of progressives and liberals from the baby boom generation of the 1960s. I've seen enough movies and tv shows and documentaries over the years to have a thorough understanding of the nostalgia for the 60s, and for the actual progress that was made. Gains in civil rights, gender equality, and environmental laws should be lauded. Life today isn't perfect but would be far worse with segregated schools and unclean drinking water. But somehow the movement fell off the rails. You fell asleep at the wheel mom and dad. Somewhere along the way in the 70s you all decided you'd rather snort coke and dance to disco tunes at Studio 54. I do remember my parents campaigning for some Libertarian 3rd party guy in the early 80s, but that was just some vestigial activism heaving it's last breath.
Where did the passion go? Where did the desire to make the world better for everyone go? Was it the assassinations of Dr. King and Bobby Kennedy? I can imagine the loss of two iconic progressive leaders would take the wind out of your sails. Was it Watergate? Did you think that for every Watergate you catch, there must be ten you don't? Did you think there was just no way you could win, so better to spend your money and be a good middle class consumer? Did you just tire of the fight? That's too bad, because the other side has more money and always has had more. And money doesn't get tired. After a brief flurry of progress, we've settled into dumb numb consumerism and we can't be bothered to care.
I can't say I'm any better. I haven't really fought the good fight. Not in the streets like my mom did. I don't really expect my parent's generation to suddenly jump up and do something. These are just observations and things I think about, especially when I hear someone reminiscing about the good ole 60s, or meet some neo-hippy college drum circle fashion statement who is all show and no substance. What worries me most is that though my parents knew things had to change and they tried with varying degrees of success, I feel like it's too late. My generation can't even think about changing the world for the better. I have no hope.I've known for a long time that I'm part of a generation that struggles to do better than our parents. But now I feel like I can't because the system was rigged before I was even born.
2.21.2011
Dispatches from the gray collar
Years ago I wrote an essay that I never published. Probably about ten years ago, but I'm not going to go dig up the original. This was in the days before blogs, so I didn't really have an outlet for it anyway. I titled it "The Gray Collar" (I'm going to stick with the American spelling here). It was an attempt at the the time to figure out where I fit in America's class structure. I knew I wasn't white collar, yet I didn't feel blue collar either. These years later, as I watch the current events in my home state of Wisconsin, I can't say that anything has changed for me. I'm really no better off than I was, and I still don't know where people like me fit in.
Collars in general refer more to the type of work you do, not directly to the money you make, though the two are usually connected. Wikipedia has a number of entries on classes, including the gray collar. I didn't even know that was a real thing when I titled my essay. There are several definitions, but one list includes skilled trades and technicians. I guess that's pretty much what I do. I can call myself gray collar. It's a decent catch-all for those not white or blue collar (there are also green, pink, and gold collar workers... I'm not any of those either). I am college educated, technically skilled with my instrument, a knowledgeable specialist in the software I use, but except for hauling gear and the occasional 3 hour gig, I don't work a physically demanding job.
Another element of class definitions is based on how much money you make. From 2006 to 2010 I had a regular job in an office, with good benefits. For seven years before that I was mostly self employed and part time. I am fully self employed again, and can't ever picture myself not being self employed again. So let's call that 4 years with built in benefits an anomaly. As a contractor, I currently average $30,000 per year. I say average with a caveat. Being a contractor in the music industry leaves you open to wild swings. I've seen as little as $20,000 and as much as $40,000. There's no predictability here. One of the biggest hurdles in my profession is that there's no built in increase of pay over time. There's no raise for what I do. There's no growth, no "moving up the ladder" as there is in most jobs. Gradually over time rates for private lessons, hourly rates for music engraving, charges for artwork and the like can go up, but I have to stay competitive with everyone else out there. I can't really predict any regular increase in my income.
The only real way I can make more money is to work more. Yeah, me and what time machine are going to find the hours for that? Ok, I can find some time, but I can't squeeze more out of the same clients. I could teach private lessons again, but I can attest to the burnout one gets from doing that full time. It's like a second shift babysitting job, 45 kids a week, one at a time. More work as a contractor is not like getting more hours at a regular job. It's more like getting a second (or third or fourth) job. And, that $30,000 isn't far off from what I was making ten years ago. The arts are hurting and have been for years, another reason growth is slow, if there at all. That much income is decent for an unmarried guy with no kids and I get by fine. Reasonably comfortable. But that's it. I get by, and that's all I can ever see doing. It gets really tricky when I try to think of how I'm going to manage retirement. That might not be in the cards for me.
By various definitions, that pay level makes me working class, just barely low middle class depending on what definitions you're looking at. As the numbers break down, the median income of a male, over 25, with a bachelor's degree is over $52,000/year. Glad to do my part to drag those numbers down. Bwahahahahaha! If I didn't laugh I'd cry. Maybe I should have picked a different major in college. I followed my dreams. Sorry mom and dad, but in hindsight maybe you should have encouraged me to be practical instead. I love my parents, but because they encouraged me to follow my dreams, I'll never even come close to making what they do. I want to support my teacher friends, but I also want to remind them that you do have it better than me, and a lot of other people, even if it gets a little worse.
I want to be clear on this: I love music and art and can't imagine doing anything else. I've been an office drone and a warehouse 9-5 guy. There's no joy for me there, just a paycheck. And sometimes those jobs can be such a drag I don't have the energy for the things I really like to do. The idea of getting a haircut and getting a "real job" makes me cringe. Sometimes I wish it could be easier. Punch out and go home, leave the work at work. I just don't seem to be wired that way. But don't you dare call me lazy. That's not how music is. I'm on 24/7. Whether it's practicing, writing down an idea that popped into my head, or schlepping an hour each way to play in a pit band, 9-5 Monday through Friday does not exist in my world. You might see a cd for $10 and think it isn't worth it. I see the hundreds of hours that went into making it. Perhaps I can leave you with this friendly reminder that art isn't a career for the lucky. I have the skill I have because I worked my ass off, and I make your world a little less dark whether you realize it or not. This gray collar seems to fit just fine.
/bitchmoan
Collars in general refer more to the type of work you do, not directly to the money you make, though the two are usually connected. Wikipedia has a number of entries on classes, including the gray collar. I didn't even know that was a real thing when I titled my essay. There are several definitions, but one list includes skilled trades and technicians. I guess that's pretty much what I do. I can call myself gray collar. It's a decent catch-all for those not white or blue collar (there are also green, pink, and gold collar workers... I'm not any of those either). I am college educated, technically skilled with my instrument, a knowledgeable specialist in the software I use, but except for hauling gear and the occasional 3 hour gig, I don't work a physically demanding job.
Another element of class definitions is based on how much money you make. From 2006 to 2010 I had a regular job in an office, with good benefits. For seven years before that I was mostly self employed and part time. I am fully self employed again, and can't ever picture myself not being self employed again. So let's call that 4 years with built in benefits an anomaly. As a contractor, I currently average $30,000 per year. I say average with a caveat. Being a contractor in the music industry leaves you open to wild swings. I've seen as little as $20,000 and as much as $40,000. There's no predictability here. One of the biggest hurdles in my profession is that there's no built in increase of pay over time. There's no raise for what I do. There's no growth, no "moving up the ladder" as there is in most jobs. Gradually over time rates for private lessons, hourly rates for music engraving, charges for artwork and the like can go up, but I have to stay competitive with everyone else out there. I can't really predict any regular increase in my income.
The only real way I can make more money is to work more. Yeah, me and what time machine are going to find the hours for that? Ok, I can find some time, but I can't squeeze more out of the same clients. I could teach private lessons again, but I can attest to the burnout one gets from doing that full time. It's like a second shift babysitting job, 45 kids a week, one at a time. More work as a contractor is not like getting more hours at a regular job. It's more like getting a second (or third or fourth) job. And, that $30,000 isn't far off from what I was making ten years ago. The arts are hurting and have been for years, another reason growth is slow, if there at all. That much income is decent for an unmarried guy with no kids and I get by fine. Reasonably comfortable. But that's it. I get by, and that's all I can ever see doing. It gets really tricky when I try to think of how I'm going to manage retirement. That might not be in the cards for me.
By various definitions, that pay level makes me working class, just barely low middle class depending on what definitions you're looking at. As the numbers break down, the median income of a male, over 25, with a bachelor's degree is over $52,000/year. Glad to do my part to drag those numbers down. Bwahahahahaha! If I didn't laugh I'd cry. Maybe I should have picked a different major in college. I followed my dreams. Sorry mom and dad, but in hindsight maybe you should have encouraged me to be practical instead. I love my parents, but because they encouraged me to follow my dreams, I'll never even come close to making what they do. I want to support my teacher friends, but I also want to remind them that you do have it better than me, and a lot of other people, even if it gets a little worse.
I want to be clear on this: I love music and art and can't imagine doing anything else. I've been an office drone and a warehouse 9-5 guy. There's no joy for me there, just a paycheck. And sometimes those jobs can be such a drag I don't have the energy for the things I really like to do. The idea of getting a haircut and getting a "real job" makes me cringe. Sometimes I wish it could be easier. Punch out and go home, leave the work at work. I just don't seem to be wired that way. But don't you dare call me lazy. That's not how music is. I'm on 24/7. Whether it's practicing, writing down an idea that popped into my head, or schlepping an hour each way to play in a pit band, 9-5 Monday through Friday does not exist in my world. You might see a cd for $10 and think it isn't worth it. I see the hundreds of hours that went into making it. Perhaps I can leave you with this friendly reminder that art isn't a career for the lucky. I have the skill I have because I worked my ass off, and I make your world a little less dark whether you realize it or not. This gray collar seems to fit just fine.
/bitchmoan
7.05.2010
A few notes
Here are a few notes I've had on my facebook page, I thought I'd toss them on here. I'm so prog, my notes are in 11.
Eleven first observations of being a work at home contractor
1. My morning commute is about 20 feet, from the bed to the living room.
2. I can do laundry and dishes while I'm at work.
3. It hasn't been hard at all to stay focused on my work that pays by the hour.
4. It is somewhat, as it always has been, hard to focus on all my work that doesn't pay by the hour, and may never pay at all.
5. Since I had to get the living room ready to be a workspace, the bedroom remains a maze of boxes.
6. I have only myself to blame if the coffeepot is empty.
7. I am happy to already have some leads on other work, since the IRS gets crabby if you only contract with one company.
8. I am eternally grateful that my former employer was willing to remain my largest client.
9. I can play my music as loud as I want while I work.
10. The cleaning service for the office still hasn't been by yet... oh wait, that would be me... crap.
11. The one hour lunch is a beautiful thing.
2. I can do laundry and dishes while I'm at work.
3. It hasn't been hard at all to stay focused on my work that pays by the hour.
4. It is somewhat, as it always has been, hard to focus on all my work that doesn't pay by the hour, and may never pay at all.
5. Since I had to get the living room ready to be a workspace, the bedroom remains a maze of boxes.
6. I have only myself to blame if the coffeepot is empty.
7. I am happy to already have some leads on other work, since the IRS gets crabby if you only contract with one company.
8. I am eternally grateful that my former employer was willing to remain my largest client.
9. I can play my music as loud as I want while I work.
10. The cleaning service for the office still hasn't been by yet... oh wait, that would be me... crap.
11. The one hour lunch is a beautiful thing.
Eleven first observations of being a Colorado resident
1. I love the weather. Lack of humidity is brilliant.
2. I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing the mountains.
3. The Duffeyroll Cafe makes kickass cinnamon rolls.
4. The predominant tree here, at least in my area, is the cottonwood.
5. The Denver area park/trail system is stunning. Many parks are connected by trails and I could bike or walk around most of the area without ever crossing a street.
6. $70 desk + instructions for assembly = 3 hours of work. $70 desk - instructions = 1.5 hours work.
7. Everything I need is less than a mile away.
8. ...hmm?.. oh, what? Sorry, I was staring out the window.
9. I probably should have been here years ago.
10. Even though I just got here, I can't wait to travel. Looks like Utah might be my next stop.
11. In the morning there seems to be a light smell of cinnamon on the wind. Also seems to be there in the petrichor after the rain. Don't know if it's a plant or what. In researching what this might be I also discovered that cinnamon may be used to cover the smell of a rotting corpse, and that an unfinished chemical process in the production of meth may also smell like this. Colorado keeps it interesting.
2. I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing the mountains.
3. The Duffeyroll Cafe makes kickass cinnamon rolls.
4. The predominant tree here, at least in my area, is the cottonwood.
5. The Denver area park/trail system is stunning. Many parks are connected by trails and I could bike or walk around most of the area without ever crossing a street.
6. $70 desk + instructions for assembly = 3 hours of work. $70 desk - instructions = 1.5 hours work.
7. Everything I need is less than a mile away.
8. ...hmm?.. oh, what? Sorry, I was staring out the window.
9. I probably should have been here years ago.
10. Even though I just got here, I can't wait to travel. Looks like Utah might be my next stop.
11. In the morning there seems to be a light smell of cinnamon on the wind. Also seems to be there in the petrichor after the rain. Don't know if it's a plant or what. In researching what this might be I also discovered that cinnamon may be used to cover the smell of a rotting corpse, and that an unfinished chemical process in the production of meth may also smell like this. Colorado keeps it interesting.
Eleven first observations after The Road
1. I will never get tired of driving all over the country. I haven't even driven over the whole thing yet. I've pretty much ignored the east coast.
2. The inside of the hotel room has no relation to the outside.
3. I love having friends I can stay with all over the place.
4. I've been to big cities and to the middle of nowhere. I've seen towns time forgot, towns bypassed by the freeway. Towns on hard times and towns on their way back. But I've never been to a town that actually seemed cranky to be where it was. Until Green River Utah. Really, there was a weird vibe there, like the buildings were wishing to be elsewhere. My thought that buildings could have wishes might be related to number 5.
5. Listened to the entire Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy series on audio book. Actually kinda disappointed at the end. Not because of the plot itself, but Mostly Harmless seems kinda disjointed and rushed. Also disappointed that Fenchurch vanishes and Zaphod isn't in it.
6. IHOP has football themed dishes right now. The 'draft pick' is great. Scrambled eggs, spinach, roasted tomatoes and parmesan cheese. Go get it, now. Really, I'll wait.
7. Camping was ok but a bit of a bust. Snow and cold prevented camping in Colorado. Got rained on while camping the last two days.
8. Kansas and Nebraska are both long drives but I much prefer Kansas. Grasslands in the west, rolling hills in the east. Vast distances stretching to the horizon. Nebraska - tall corn at the roadside... can't see anything but corn.
9. Mark Twain museum - what an amazingly full, complex, hard, rich and tragic life. Reading him as a kid was a disservice. I need to read everything that isn't Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn now.
10. If you ever have to drive across north central Illinois I recommend highway 2 from Dixon to Beloit. Very nice drive along the Rock River. And, if you're interested, you can stop in Dixon and see the boyhood home of Ronald Reagan. I wasn't, so I didn't.
11. For the first time ever, I am not relieved to be back home after a long trip.
2. The inside of the hotel room has no relation to the outside.
3. I love having friends I can stay with all over the place.
4. I've been to big cities and to the middle of nowhere. I've seen towns time forgot, towns bypassed by the freeway. Towns on hard times and towns on their way back. But I've never been to a town that actually seemed cranky to be where it was. Until Green River Utah. Really, there was a weird vibe there, like the buildings were wishing to be elsewhere. My thought that buildings could have wishes might be related to number 5.
5. Listened to the entire Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy series on audio book. Actually kinda disappointed at the end. Not because of the plot itself, but Mostly Harmless seems kinda disjointed and rushed. Also disappointed that Fenchurch vanishes and Zaphod isn't in it.
6. IHOP has football themed dishes right now. The 'draft pick' is great. Scrambled eggs, spinach, roasted tomatoes and parmesan cheese. Go get it, now. Really, I'll wait.
7. Camping was ok but a bit of a bust. Snow and cold prevented camping in Colorado. Got rained on while camping the last two days.
8. Kansas and Nebraska are both long drives but I much prefer Kansas. Grasslands in the west, rolling hills in the east. Vast distances stretching to the horizon. Nebraska - tall corn at the roadside... can't see anything but corn.
9. Mark Twain museum - what an amazingly full, complex, hard, rich and tragic life. Reading him as a kid was a disservice. I need to read everything that isn't Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn now.
10. If you ever have to drive across north central Illinois I recommend highway 2 from Dixon to Beloit. Very nice drive along the Rock River. And, if you're interested, you can stop in Dixon and see the boyhood home of Ronald Reagan. I wasn't, so I didn't.
11. For the first time ever, I am not relieved to be back home after a long trip.
12.17.2009
Internal Processing Systems or The Three Amigos - Westward Ho!
The average human has 3 decision making modes. I'm talking in the philosophical sense. All thinking actually happens in the brain, little neurons firing away. But I divide this thinking into 3 categories. The Brain, The Heart, and The Gut. The Genitals don't count because they can only think one thing. That doesn't count as making a decision.
The Brain - Logic, rational thought, deep processing. The brain is where information is processed and sorted. Choices can be held at arms length. If you need to remove your emotions from a choice, the brain is the tool to use. Very much like a computer, the brain is good at sorting all the shades of grey in the world and getting to the core of a problem. The brain is your defense against a world that wants to take advantage of you. The brain can think itself in circles with all the possible outcomes until we freeze and can't make a choice. The brain can over think, leading to incorrect conclusions. The brain learns and stores skills so you can actually do more with your life than breathe, eat, shit, and mate. The brain dreams when you sleep, sometimes just for entertainment, sometimes to continue processing information. The brain always wants more information and this is one thing that drives our need for discovery and our desire to understand. Unfortunately too many people have figured out ways to turn their brains off. And sometimes the logical choice isn't what we want and isn't what we need. We are human after all.
The Heart - Emotion, feelings, desires and wants. The heart is the opposite of the brain. Love lives in the heart. But, like a hummingbird, the heart can flit from one thing to another, one feeling to another, without realizing the consequences or seeing the long term effects. The heart has a long memory when hurt but a very short one when presented with something it wants. The heart wants love but never considers that love can hurt as much as it heals. That love can change. That once you find what your heart yearns for, you might not want it, or it might not want you. The heart clouds the brain so that you see what you want and you avoid conflict. It can get so wrapped up in what other people want, thinking that's how to get what it wants, that you begin to lose yourself. The heart, though, attaches you to people important to you. It makes you loyal and allows you to trust people so that you aren't lonely. Despite the heart's vulnerability, most people still find it worth while to expose themselves to the danger because love, friendship, and trust are ultimately so rewarding. Everyone has heart but sometimes they shut it out and forget what makes their heart feel good. Sometimes they get hurt so bad they wall off their heart so no one gets through. It's hard to realize that just makes things worse. The heart can get stuck lamenting what it has lost. But if you listen, the heart is also the place where you are reminded how much you loved your first box of crayons, and there was a time when you thought being an astronaut lion tamer was a perfectly reasonable career (were you the astronaut, or was it the lions?).
The Gut - When the brain says "bzzprf...does not compute...grhhbzz...error..." and the heart says "Wah wah woe is me I'm so emo" the gut is there to dope slap the other two. The gut will say "get up off the floor and get on with it!" The best time to do something is always now. The gut is instinct shaped by experience. The gut quiets fear, musters will, and does. This paragraph is short because the gut doesn't talk much and can't waste time with words. Kinda like Chuck Norris.
What does this have to do with me, now? After many years of listening to my brain and heart fight, I have finally listened to my gut. Could I have heard it sooner? Maybe, but like I said, the gut relies on experience. It can take time to get the experience you need. Now I've listened and my gut said, "This is your compass. It points west. Move to Colorado. Even the few things left in Wisconsin that are good can't give you the long term happiness you need. It's time to go."
So, dear friends, I will be moving to the Denver area in summer of 2010. The plan as it stands now is to go find a place to live in March or April and move in June or July. There are many details to finalize but my gut keeps reminding me "don't think, don't feel. It's time to do."
The Brain - Logic, rational thought, deep processing. The brain is where information is processed and sorted. Choices can be held at arms length. If you need to remove your emotions from a choice, the brain is the tool to use. Very much like a computer, the brain is good at sorting all the shades of grey in the world and getting to the core of a problem. The brain is your defense against a world that wants to take advantage of you. The brain can think itself in circles with all the possible outcomes until we freeze and can't make a choice. The brain can over think, leading to incorrect conclusions. The brain learns and stores skills so you can actually do more with your life than breathe, eat, shit, and mate. The brain dreams when you sleep, sometimes just for entertainment, sometimes to continue processing information. The brain always wants more information and this is one thing that drives our need for discovery and our desire to understand. Unfortunately too many people have figured out ways to turn their brains off. And sometimes the logical choice isn't what we want and isn't what we need. We are human after all.
The Heart - Emotion, feelings, desires and wants. The heart is the opposite of the brain. Love lives in the heart. But, like a hummingbird, the heart can flit from one thing to another, one feeling to another, without realizing the consequences or seeing the long term effects. The heart has a long memory when hurt but a very short one when presented with something it wants. The heart wants love but never considers that love can hurt as much as it heals. That love can change. That once you find what your heart yearns for, you might not want it, or it might not want you. The heart clouds the brain so that you see what you want and you avoid conflict. It can get so wrapped up in what other people want, thinking that's how to get what it wants, that you begin to lose yourself. The heart, though, attaches you to people important to you. It makes you loyal and allows you to trust people so that you aren't lonely. Despite the heart's vulnerability, most people still find it worth while to expose themselves to the danger because love, friendship, and trust are ultimately so rewarding. Everyone has heart but sometimes they shut it out and forget what makes their heart feel good. Sometimes they get hurt so bad they wall off their heart so no one gets through. It's hard to realize that just makes things worse. The heart can get stuck lamenting what it has lost. But if you listen, the heart is also the place where you are reminded how much you loved your first box of crayons, and there was a time when you thought being an astronaut lion tamer was a perfectly reasonable career (were you the astronaut, or was it the lions?).
The Gut - When the brain says "bzzprf...does not compute...grhhbzz...error..." and the heart says "Wah wah woe is me I'm so emo" the gut is there to dope slap the other two. The gut will say "get up off the floor and get on with it!" The best time to do something is always now. The gut is instinct shaped by experience. The gut quiets fear, musters will, and does. This paragraph is short because the gut doesn't talk much and can't waste time with words. Kinda like Chuck Norris.
What does this have to do with me, now? After many years of listening to my brain and heart fight, I have finally listened to my gut. Could I have heard it sooner? Maybe, but like I said, the gut relies on experience. It can take time to get the experience you need. Now I've listened and my gut said, "This is your compass. It points west. Move to Colorado. Even the few things left in Wisconsin that are good can't give you the long term happiness you need. It's time to go."
So, dear friends, I will be moving to the Denver area in summer of 2010. The plan as it stands now is to go find a place to live in March or April and move in June or July. There are many details to finalize but my gut keeps reminding me "don't think, don't feel. It's time to do."
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